Grab your crystal balls, guys: It’s time for our amazing Guns & Gadgets Daily 2021 psychic predictions!
The year 2020 is finally, finally about to end…but what about 2021? What does the future hold for gun rights, for gun owners, and for the anti-gunners who hate both? Well, if you’ve been wondering what’s coming down the pike for next year, wonder no longer. You see, in addition to being a shooter and hunter, I’m also a Woo-Certified Psychic. This morning, I brewed up a giant pot of Grandma’s super-secret special prognostication tea and started chugging, and this is the result. Mark your calendars, readers, because here are my rock-solid Guns & Gadgets Daily 2021 psychic predictions!
Following the revelation that anti-gun representative Eric Swalwell has been having a very interesting relationship with a Chinese spy named Fang Fang, anti-gun senator Chuck Schumer is revealed to be hot and heavy with a Chinese spy named Bang Bang. The New York Times refuses to print a word on the story, and therefore all 10 of their remaining readers remain ignorant.
As Joe Biden prepares to take office, the boom in gun sales makes 2020’s boom look like a Fourth of July sparkler. Crime rates continue to fall, to the absolute dismay of Everytown for Gun Safety’s gun-grabber-in-chief, Shannon Watts.
Mike Bloomberg, still smarting from resounding defeat in the Democratic primaries last year, decides to purchase American Samoa and run for President there. He still loses.
After their brief moment in the sunlight of legality, Double Barrel Magazine Extended Clips (DBMECs) are re-banned.
On a Zoom call, a teacher is alarmed by the sight of a marshmallow gun in a child’s bedroom and calls the police. We make fun of the situation.
Hoping to become as well-liked as Eric Swalwell, anti-gun billionaire Mike Bloomberg strikes up a hot and heavy affair with a Chinese spy named Snoo-Snoo. He is deeply disappointed to learn that she has no gun-banning ideas that he hasn’t already come up with.
Ongoing COVID-19 restrictions mean that mass shootings remain even rarer than before. The mainstream media’s 2020 strategy of redefining mass shootings down to 2 or 3 people is not resulting in the right anti-gun hysteria. The brilliant editorial minds at the Washington Post unveil a new strategy: Any Zoom call in which a class full of children sees a BB gun now counts as a mass shooting. Problem solved!
Beto O’Rourke, desperately seeking relevance, begins a hot and heavy affair with a handsome Chinese spy named Nudge-Nudge-Wink-Wink. Nudge-Nudge takes one look at Beto’s gun-grabbing plans, and says “Lighten up, Francis.”
In an attempt to stave off bankruptcy, Dick’s announces that in addition to no longer selling firearms, they will be selling a whole new kind of “sporting good” in the future. “Dick’s has long had a problem with people thinking the wrong thing about what we’re actually selling here,” ejaculated Dick’s head Ed Stack. “Now the product is going to match the name, and we’ll throw in the batteries for free!”
Biden releases his psychiatric evaluation for prospective gun owners, which features an interesting loophole: Women with nice-smelling shampoo are excused.
Your humble scribe, Trace Munson, buys some stuff that he probably shouldn’t want, but does.
Anti-gun representative Nancy Pelosi joins the nationwide fad for schtupping anti-gun spies, and signs up for Tinder. Nobody swipes right, not even Nudge-Nudge.
Although most schools have reopened, many teachers cannot overcome their nostalgia and opt to continue having Zoom calls with their students, so they can call the police on any eight-year-old with a Nerf gun.
Joe Biden realizes that, somewhere out there, someone finally found a box of .223. He announces his intention to ban lead-based ammunition, thus ensuring that all ammo manufacturers will be working triple shifts for the next year.
Mike Bloomberg evicts all residents of American Samoa and then holds a presidential election, unopposed, with only one voter–himself. Still loses.
Your humble scribe, Trace Munson, drinks about a gallon of peyote tea and makes up some very dumb predictions for next year. Meanwhile, the hundreds of people who won guns and gear from Guns & Gadgets Daily will raise a glass to toast 2022…after they’ve “lost the gun in a tragic boating accident,” that is.
What are your predictions for 2021? Give us your guesses in the comments!
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