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Grab your crystal balls, guys: It’s time for our amazing Guns & Gadgets Daily 2021 psychic predictions!
The year 2020 is finally, finally about to end…but what about 2021? What does the future hold for gun rights, for gun owners, and for the anti-gunners who hate both? Well, if you’ve been wondering what’s coming down the pike for next year, wonder no longer. You see, in addition to being a shooter and hunter, I’m also a Woo-Certified Psychic. This morning, I brewed up a giant pot of Grandma’s super-secret special prognostication tea and started chugging, and this is the result. Mark your calendars, readers, because here are my rock-solid Guns & Gadgets Daily 2021 psychic predictions!
January 2021:
Following the revelation that anti-gun representative Eric Swalwell has been having a very interesting relationship with a Chinese spy named Fang Fang, anti-gun senator Chuck Schumer is revealed to be hot and heavy with a Chinese spy named Bang Bang. The New York Times refuses to print a word on the story, and therefore all 10 of their remaining readers remain ignorant.
As Joe Biden prepares to take office, the boom in gun sales makes 2020’s boom look like a Fourth of July sparkler. Crime rates continue to fall, to the absolute dismay of Everytown for Gun Safety’s gun-grabber-in-chief, Shannon Watts.
February 2021:
Mike Bloomberg, still smarting from resounding defeat in the Democratic primaries last year, decides to purchase American Samoa and run for President there. He still loses.
March 2021:
After their brief moment in the sunlight of legality, Double Barrel Magazine Extended Clips (DBMECs) are re-banned.
On a Zoom call, a teacher is alarmed by the sight of a marshmallow gun in a child’s bedroom and calls the police. We make fun of the situation.
April 2021:
Hoping to become as well-liked as Eric Swalwell, anti-gun billionaire Mike Bloomberg strikes up a hot and heavy affair with a Chinese spy named Snoo-Snoo. He is deeply disappointed to learn that she has no gun-banning ideas that he hasn’t already come up with.
May 2021:
Ongoing COVID-19 restrictions mean that mass shootings remain even rarer than before. The mainstream media’s 2020 strategy of redefining mass shootings down to 2 or 3 people is not resulting in the right anti-gun hysteria. The brilliant editorial minds at the Washington Post unveil a new strategy: Any Zoom call in which a class full of children sees a BB gun now counts as a mass shooting. Problem solved!
June 2021:
Beto O’Rourke, desperately seeking relevance, begins a hot and heavy affair with a handsome Chinese spy named Nudge-Nudge-Wink-Wink. Nudge-Nudge takes one look at Beto’s gun-grabbing plans, and says “Lighten up, Francis.”
July 2021:
In an attempt to stave off bankruptcy, Dick’s announces that in addition to no longer selling firearms, they will be selling a whole new kind of “sporting good” in the future. “Dick’s has long had a problem with people thinking the wrong thing about what we’re actually selling here,” ejaculated Dick’s head Ed Stack. “Now the product is going to match the name, and we’ll throw in the batteries for free!”
August 2021:
Biden releases his psychiatric evaluation for prospective gun owners, which features an interesting loophole: Women with nice-smelling shampoo are excused.
Your humble scribe, Trace Munson, buys some stuff that he probably shouldn’t want, but does.
September 2021:
Anti-gun representative Nancy Pelosi joins the nationwide fad for schtupping anti-gun spies, and signs up for Tinder. Nobody swipes right, not even Nudge-Nudge.
October 2021:
Although most schools have reopened, many teachers cannot overcome their nostalgia and opt to continue having Zoom calls with their students, so they can call the police on any eight-year-old with a Nerf gun.
November 2021:
Joe Biden realizes that, somewhere out there, someone finally found a box of .223. He announces his intention to ban lead-based ammunition, thus ensuring that all ammo manufacturers will be working triple shifts for the next year.
Mike Bloomberg evicts all residents of American Samoa and then holds a presidential election, unopposed, with only one voter–himself. Still loses.
December 2021:
Your humble scribe, Trace Munson, drinks about a gallon of peyote tea and makes up some very dumb predictions for next year. Meanwhile, the hundreds of people who won guns and gear from Guns & Gadgets Daily will raise a glass to toast 2022…after they’ve “lost the gun in a tragic boating accident,” that is.
What are your predictions for 2021? Give us your guesses in the comments!
Trace, a proud Special Farces who goes commando, is dedicated to pubic service. Although he’s a legend among YouTube commenters, he actually began life as a humble dingleberry farmer. Now, no subject is too moist or sensitive for his incisive odor and scintillating lymph nodes.
Rick says
Thanks for the laughs.
Big Al 45 says
You’re a great gun writer there Trace, so I advise you DON’T do the Stand Up circuit, and keep your day job.
durabo says
Amerizuela in 2021. A fable
The date is July 4th, 2021. By governmental decree, all patriotic and Judeo-Christian holidays have been replaced by celebration of Stalin’s, Marx’s, Lenin’s and Mao’s birthdays. CorruptoCrat President “Sleepy Joe” Biden has been sent to a senile dementia treatment center under the provisions of the 25th Amendment, and is visited three times a week by his wife, Shrill Jill. Kamala (“Komrade KamelToe”) Harris as installed herself in the White House.
A group of dissidents, including Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, has been arrested by federal commissars, and transported to a FEMA Repentance and Rehabilitation (R&R) facility, fashioned after Maoist political reeducation camps.
Hannity proves to be resistant to self-criticism and repentance, so Komrade KamelToe decides to intervene and apply harsher methods. She has Hannity buried in the ground, with just his head aboveground. Komrade KamelToe has a pit bull released, which is ordered to bite off H annuity’s nose and ears. Hannity swivels his head on two passes, causing the pit bull to miss the target. In desperation, Hannity bites the pit bull’s testicles on the latter’s third attack. The dog yelps, “Ki-yee, ki-yee!” jumps the fence and disappears.
Komrade KamelToe strides toward Hannity’s exposed head, kicks him in the teeth with her steel-[toed, hobnailed SS boot, crying,
“Fight fair, dammit!”
Kenneth L Robinson says
Sorry. I have to agree with Dave.
“My prediction for 2021 No matter how many gun and gear contests I enter to win I will still not win a damn one of them.”
“We are not alone”
Trace Munson says
Well, you can’t play if you don’t try! (I’m not even allowed to try, because I work here.)
Phil in TX says
I resemble that remark! At least for the last 3 years.
Phil in TX
paul says
I wonder when that tea you been drinking is taken off the prohibited substance list heh-heh
Hey Trace you been slacking lately, usually you have a word that I need to to google……learning is fun!
Trace Munson says
That’s because when I started describing the eldritch, phantasmagoric demiurges that eventually DID reply to Pelosi’s Ouija Board version of her earlier lonely-hearts ad—then promptly noped out—the article went down a really dark path, maaan.
paul says
Thanks that should keep me otta trouble for a few weeks!
I would like to add, Pelosi really gives me the Heebie-jeebies!!!
Dave says
My prediction for 2021 No matter how many gun and gear contests I enter to win I will still not win a damn one of them.
JonsOn says
Doesn’t Nancy Pelosi have her nephew Eric Swallow to tend to all her needs? The things some congressman will do for a little power. Excuse me I’m going to be sick.
Lacey Marie says
That was the funniest thing I have read all year. Thank you! I’ll start shopping for the best shampoos and open up a black market for everyone else.
Bob Poserina says
Damn, I thought Snoo-Snoo was going to be a trans-Chinese spy!
Ed Schrade says
You could be right, they have copied everything else America has made !