3 Gun Club Guys You’ll Meet Eventually
Last updated: January 6, 2021 · Originally published: December 23, 2020
Your gun club may have a dozen members, or hundreds…but they all have these three guys.
Any place people gather to enjoy a mutual hobby, of course, you’re going to see a certain recurrence of “types.” Gun clubs are no exception, and it doesn’t matter whether your gun club has a dozen members or hundreds, because each and every one of them has at least one of each of these three guys. You may not have met them yet, but you will…and that’s why I’ve designed this handy field guide so you’ll know the pros and cons of sharing a carrel wall with them.
1- The Old Fart (pictured above)
If you’re ever curious which branch of the military the Old Fart retired from, just check his ball cap. (If he isn’t wearing a ball cap, ask him what time it is. He will provide you with a notarized copy of his DD-214.) Due to said retirement, he has a lot of time and a wife who is growing short on patience. He either worships John Moses Browning or Samuel Colt; in fact, given both his age and the wealth of information he has about his firearm design of choice, he might be Browning or Colt.
PROS: The Old Fart’s range bag is apparently enchanted so it can hold several decades’ worth of any possible tool or doodad you could ever need, and he will loan it to you.
CONS: The Old Fart will tell you about why your gun is crap while you use that loaned tool. Also, he might actually fart.
2- The Chairborne Ranger
What the Chairborne Ranger lacks in experience, he more than makes up for with his wallet. He loves to buy the latest, greatest everything the second it hits dealer shelves–whether or not it fits with his current equipment, he has any use for it, or he knows what it does. He also has a lot of very strong opinions about all matters military and law enforcement, much of which he has gathered from Internet forums (and the remainder of which he has gathered from his ass). You will soon know what these opinions are, no matter how much money you spent on your hearing protection.
PROS: The Chairborne Ranger will let you test out his fancy new $5000 custom AR.
CONS: The Chairborne Ranger will soon make you long for the sweet respite of noise-induced deafness.
3- The Super Helpful
Do you need a lecture on why your foot positioning isn’t right? Are you just aching to be told that you are holding your pistol the wrong way? Are you a woman? Then the Super Helpful is here to make your dreams come true! Don’t worry, ladies, he won’t actually ask you out so you can either say “yes” or “no” and get on with your lives. Instead, he’ll hang around your carrel and keep you company while you shoot, all while offering you plenty of helpful advice about how you could be doing it so much better.
PROS: The Super Helpful doesn’t actually mean any harm, and he may have attractive friends.
CONS: You might actually have to start burping the alphabet to get him to go away.
Of course, there are plenty of other guys you’ll meet at the gun club (and some of them are even girls). But that’s a subject for another post…
Spends massive amounts of money on seriously fancy pickup trucks that they would never even dream of using to haul anything or otherwise use for actual working purposes, because that could scratch or ruin that pristine paint hob. Any sign of wear and tear means it is no longer new or custom enough and it is time to trade it in for a newer better even more expensive version. The tiniest speck of dirt of dust – real or imagined – is enough to keep them awake at night until they can get it to the car wash for the umpteenth time that week.
Now apply the same logic to their gleaming showpiece custom firearms that must always sport the very latest tech and appear to be showroom new, their almost always new & different & very pretty dates every time they go out, and anything else in their lives that they can throw vast amounts of time & money at in their obsessive quest for absolute perfection. Who does this remind you of? 🙂
Must be a tremendously powerful state of emotional feeling that they get from merely looking at their gleaming new and always beautiful possessions (and yes the people they date are their “possessions” too), to make them work so hard and spend so much to keep experiencing it. The terms “O.C.D.” or simply “obsessive” would apply well, but in the minds of those so afflicted, their obsessive compulsive behavior is all entirely “normal”, and all of us lessor people are simply not sophisticated enough to grasp their superior intellectual ways. So there. 🙂
You don’t mention the range’s brass pirate that is shuffling around kicking them into a pile so he can scoop them up into his range back while everyone else is shooting.
Not to mention half of them are .22 rimfire shells, but hey, they may come in handy some day! I hear Dillon is going to be coming out with a reloading press for them!
Article missed one type – The Master.
If you are a new club member nobody is going to point her or him out. Unless your range bag has genuine wear and tear they might not introduce themselves. The Master frequently hides behind an old fart disguise. The Master could have been a decent gunsmith but they are considered an expert of a technical field. The Master’s photo is never on the club photo wall for last years Pistol League because they love all shooting sports and are too ADHD to specialize in one area.
The Master can take one look at your pistol stance and make a simple suggestion – try turning your left foot just so – and it adds 10 percent to your score that night. The Master knows marksmanship comes from a good gun, good skills, and good ammo – they will tell you which to work on just by watching…. if you can catch her or his attention. The Master knows all about stage fright and range mistakes – a short conversation with them before walking to the firing line has the calming effect of 20 minutes meditation.
Like a good detective, you should discover the Master in your club or shooting group, it will not be easy. Your club Master may be old and physically not up to delivering that 10x target like their younger days. They all do have certain quirks in common.
1. Everyone is shooting a Ruger or BuckMark pistol. Master will have a High Standard. How to tell ‘The Master’ from’ The Collector’ – none of the pistol’s screws are ruined. They have a magazine for each stage of competition that are individually marked – their laid out magazines are worth more than others pistols.
2. You will know the Master by their clothing. Shooting is a lead hazard. A true Master wears the same clothing to the range every visit – winter, spring, summer and fall – to protect the family at home. Masters are known to wear shirts until the seams part. Masters never leave their hat upside down for fear of receiving tips as a homeless person.
3. The Master has a range bag for each sport. Once for rimfire, another for centerfire semi-auto and a different range bag for large revolvers.
4. The Master will request the shooting lane next to a wall or away from the range door. The Master is easily identified from “The Range Hermit’ from their smile, pleasant nod, or wave.
5. The Master seems to arrive with a different pistol to ‘test’ every visit. The old AMT Hardballer series, although a Gold Cup copy, was plagued with bad metallurgy – The Master’s Hardballer will fire flawlessly.
6. During club 22 rifle events everyone has a scoped Ruger 10/22. The Master will have a single shot equipped with peep sights and finish with a final score in the top 5 percent.
Often the Master is right next to you, hiding under your nose. Look at the shooting lanes right and left. What does your gut feeling say? Do those users inspire a feeling of safety and confidence? Make a mental note of the ones that do. Especially the ones that look like they hitchhiked to the range and were dressed from the Salvation Army.
only one word sums it up – INDEED.
There is a forth type. Leave me alone so I can practice in peace. That’s why I go to the range. Not to socialize but to practice.
I may be considered an Old Fart. My old Marine father taught me to shot when I was approximately 6 years old. A skill I used during the 1960s in Vietnam. I can honestly say I love firearms. I love my LMT. I love my LWRC ,my Yankee Hill, my sig, my Springfield, etc.. Firearms are my hobby. and I prefer the AR design.. I have firearms that the only time they were fired was when the scope or red dot was zeroed in. Some were zeroed in at 100 meters, some at 50meters, and some at 25 meters. My favorite place to shop is my local Armory. I am proud to be an old fart. It is my culture.
The old fart is not a poser like some with there caps that have never been in the military we keep to ourselves if you give a nod and ask for a tool or help. the door is open for you may not have the latest geewiz gun but in our heads we have a lifetime of experience to share. RVN 1968-1970 2-tours
Well if miss Cosmoline showed up at our club I would spend the whole day picking dirt out of my toungue since it will be dragging on the ground heh-heh
Let me see I have a glock, a crossdraw, and use any type of scrap paper/cardboard I have laying around the house for a target…….I’m obviously asking for it!!!