Dick’s Might Have to Pull Out (of Field & Stream)

It’s hard to look to the future when you only have one eye.

The bad news for Dick’s just keeps coming. Earlier this year, the retail giant decided to give its business a bris by actually destroying their inventory of AR-15s, hiring gun-control lobbyists, and forbidding all firearms sales (including long guns) to adults under 21. To the surprise of nobody (even, apparently, Dick’s head), this led to a country-wide boycott by Second Amendment supporters…but Dick’s drooping sales numbers seem to be even worse than the head Dick himself thought. In fact, Dick’s might just have to pull out of their “hook n’ bullet” stores, Field & Stream. And that’s just where the fun with Dick’s begins!

According to this article in the National Review, Dick’s CEO (whose name is actually Edward Stack and not Jimmy Drips), knew perfectly well that their cheesy move would cost them some cashflow. Saying, “We knew this would happen when — we’ve made some decisions on firearms in the past and we’ve had a pretty good idea of what these consequences were going to be,” Stack went on to assure his stockholders that he felt it was the right thing to do, and that he’d Dick’s them over again if he could.

Recently, Dick’s flaccid sales forced them to close down the hunting and shooting sections of their stores. However, clearly Dick’s thought they would still have a trick down their pants for consumers: the existence of their Field & Stream stores. Because of their separate branding, it would be easy to see why Dick’s thought they could just make a huge mess and not have to clean it up–they figured that the boycott would simply send hunters and shooters to Field & Stream.

Unfortunately for Dick’s, Americans were cagey enough to look more closely (prompting a run on magnifying glasses and microscopes). As it turns out, the Field & Stream stores aren’t doing too well, either…and it looks like Dick’s might have to pull out. But will they manage to pull out in time? As spokesdick Onan J. Agoff opines, “We will. We promise. Also, the check is in the mail.”

What can Dick’s look ahead to next, with their one eye? Only time (and a trip to the doctor) can tell!