What’s coming up for 2019? Let’s bust out our crystal Minie ball and get prognosticatin’!
One of the best parts of welcoming a new year–aside from coming up with a list of resolutions involving new bad habits to take up for 2019–is playing amateur astrologer and making predictions for the New Year. The key part of doing this is to remember two things: First, that the best predictor for future events is past events; and second, that everybody is going to forget about your predictions almost as quickly as they’ll forget their resolutions (so you can pretty much say whatever you want). So here are the GGD official 2019 New Year’s Predictions!
1- We will have more awesome giveaways, all of which will be won by someone. Might as well be you!
Here at GGD, we love bringing you the chance to win the best in guns and gadgets with our monthly and weekly giveaways…and the prize packages include training, firearms, optics, clothing, boots, ammunition, and pretty much anything else you can imagine. All you have to do is click “enter” when you see our e-mails, provide your contact information, and it’s off to the races! Be sure to list us as trusted senders in your e-mail program, so you won’t miss a thing. After all, somebody’s gotta win…and I think 2019 is going to be your year.
2- We will bring you the inside scoop from industry experts about all the latest trends in the world of guns, hunting, and the outdoors.
Whether it’s new products from the 2019 Shooting, Hunting, and Outdoor Trade (SHOT) Show, breaking news from inside the NRA Annual Meetings & Exhibits, or just plain old laugh-worthy news happenings, we’ll be here to give you the 411 on what’s new and notable. (My 2019 call? Dick’s will rise again with more tomfoolery!)
3- People who hate guns will continue to say stupid things about them, and we will mock them roundly.
Anti-gunners say the kwaziest things, don’t they? We don’t know who 2019’s new breakout anti-gun “star” will be, but we do know this: They will say stupid things about guns, they will refuse to believe that they are being stupid, and the mainstream media will clutch their pearls in outrage when anyone tries to explain why they are, in short, wrong. My prediction for 2019 is that the new leadership in the House will stick their tongues into an electrical socket to get a taste of power, and then try banning something they can’t even define in plain English. Our “shoulder things that go up” are quivering with anticipation!
4- People will continue doing stupid things with their guns, and we’ll mock them, too.
The year 2018 was a banner year for dumb things people did with guns: Taking a selfie at the range while violating all three Gun Safety Rules. Accidentally starting a wildfire. Checking down the barrel of your gun to see why it didn’t go off. So how can 2019 beat that? My prognostication is that this will be the year we finally find out that Joe Biden really does think that it’s OK to fire a double-barreled shotgun at nothing in particular because it makes a big scary “boom.” (And that he will be wearing a beer helmet when it happens.)
5- The Zombie Apocalypse will begin in the early evening of March 21, 2019.
The year 2019 will prove that those of us who stockpiled guns and ammunition for the inevitable zombie apocalypse were correct when, on March 21, the dead will rise from their cold graves in an all-or-nothing war for the future of humanity. These will be “World War Z” (book, not movie) slow zombies, so everyone who told me we should worry about “28 Days Later” fast zombies will definitely have to bow down to my superior zombie-apocalypse forecasting skills. Who’s going to win? Well, that I can’t tell you…but I can promise that if they come ’round my house looking for brains, they’re going to leave hungry because I’m fresh out.
What’s your 2019 New Year’s Prediction? Tell us in the comments!
Trace, a proud Special Farces who goes commando, is dedicated to pubic service. Although he’s a legend among YouTube commenters, he actually began life as a humble dingleberry farmer. Now, no subject is too moist or sensitive for his incisive odor and scintillating lymph nodes.