4 Valentine’s Day Cards For Anti-Gunners

Why do anti-gunners think that everyone wants to buy what they’re selling? Valentine’s Day.

If you’ve been watching the news, you’ve probably noticed that our nation’s anti-gun politicians are busy telling America that what we really want for Valentine’s Day is a gun ban. They’re wrong, of course; the 21 million guns sold in 2020 attest to that fact 21 million times. But where do the gun-grabbers get the idea that, despite all of the evidence to the contrary, gun bans are what America wants? Easy: Valentine’s Day. Do you remember being in grade school and having the teacher tell you that yes, you had to write a Valentine’s Day card to every kid in the class? Even the one who picks his nose and eats it while staring at you? The anti-gunners in Congress and the White House are (collectively) that kid, all grown up, and still steeped in the belief that you’re okay with the booger-eating. Let’s continue the tradition with some Valentine’s Day cards for anti-gunners…sooner or later, they’ll figure it out.

David Hogg

David Hogg burst onto the anti-gun scene in the wake of the Stoneman Douglas mass shooting, which actually took place on Valentine’s Day 2018, and he has been the gun-grabbers’ crush ever since. Despite the fact that he’s so ignorant about how American democracy works that he makes Michael Moore look smart, Hogg continues as the media’s prize piggie. So here’s a card from the bottom of my heart–and the heart of my bottom–for Hogg.

Beto O’Rourke

Ah, Beta O’Dork. If he didn’t exist, I’d have to make him up. This weedy little walking Adam’s apple really upset the Dems’ presidential lineup in 2019 by insisting that he was going to come and take our AR-15s and our AK-47s and that there was nothing we could do about it. Oh, they weren’t mad because he went too anti-gun; they were upset because they wanted to keep that part of their campaign a secret for a lot longer. (This is how you know that your platform is super popular with Americans…when you have to keep it a secret from them.) Our sister publication, Freedom’s Lodge, even did a gun giveaway just for Beto. It’s been a minute, so let’s pass on our sincerest V-Day wishes for dear, dear Francis:

Joe Biden

The rest of the country may or may not be calling him the Commander in Chief, Mr. President, or (in the case of David Hogg) “Daddy,” but for me Joe Biden will always be Creepy Uncle Joe. When he’s not sniffing hair or poking union workers in the chest, Creepy Uncle Joe is busy thinking about how to ban guns. He has a million different ideas (probably courtesy of Dog Face Pony Soldier, the figment of his imagination that I got to interview a while ago). One of his favorites is to have all American gun owners registered…not the guns, the Americans. So on this Valentine’s Day, a special message for Joey:

Mike Bloomberg

Poor, poor Mike Bloomberg. He spent many umpty-billions of his own money and could only win American Samoa. Is it because he’s the guy who’s bankrolling about half the anti-gun groups in America right now? Is it because he’s the guy who thinks it’s his job to tell us how much salt we can eat and how much soda we can use to wash it down? Or is it just because he’s so unlikeable that on Valentine’s Day he has to sneak up on his own hand? Whatever the answer, here’s my V-Day wish for Bloomie…

Do you have a special Valentine’s Day card for the anti-gunner on your list? Post it in the comments!