4 Anti-Gunner Comments I Can’t Stop Laughing At, Please Help
My sides hurt, my cheeks ache, and I can’t draw a full breath…all thanks to these nimrods.
Every election season, the anti-gunners vie to see who can say the dumbest things about guns and gun rights–and every time, I fail to take the necessary precautions to safeguard my sides against the gales of uncontrollable laughter that ensue. The 2020 election season has been no different, and if current trends continue, I may need to keep an emergency supply of those ASPCA commercials featuring Sarah McLachlan handy…just as a precaution against death by LOL. After all, these are four of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard from gun-grabbers, and they were all uttered within the last three weeks. Consider this your fair warning!
1. Chucky Schumer and the “Wares of War”
Here’s a fun one courtesy of Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-umbshit), who is apparently looking for something new to ban in the state of New York. Although the population that lives Upstate is generally fairly pro-2A, the demographic weight of NYC has meant that Chucky and pals have been able to shove all sorts of gun bans down New Yorkers’ throats. But what about…a NOT gun ban? How about a ban on something that has never harmed or killed a human being, but has instead saved hundreds? Like body armor, for example! But don’t take our word for it; enjoy this little dollop of duh:
“Shockingly, with the click of a mouse, the scroll of a thumb or the dialing of a phone, just about anyone can order-up the kind of advanced armor or tactical law enforcement gear we see used in wars or all-out law enforcement raids, and that is unacceptable and needs to change,” said Schumer…
Hey Chucky! Know what else I can buy the with the mere click of a mouse and no background check that’s more potentially lethal than body armor? Literally anything, that’s what.
2. The California Judge and “Virtually Indistinguishable”
What qualities make for the best judges? Wisdom, prudence, and temperance? I don’t know about you, but all my favorite jurists have absolutely no problem legislating from the bench about things they know nothing about. Bonus points if the information is available in 10 seconds or fewer of a Google search. According to this recent article, California District Court Judge Josephine Staton believes that “AR-15s are indistinguishable from machineguns.” I don’t think I can surpass the Gobi-dry sarcasm of the article I linked…
“…it is remarkable that Staton finds semi-automatic rifles indistinguishable from M-16s. Semi-automatic firearms fire one round for each function of the trigger. Machineguns, like the M-16, are capable of firing more than one round for each function of the trigger. Unlike so much of the law, this isn’t vague.”
…but I’ll try anyway. Dear Josephine Staton, J.D.: Shooting a semi-automatic is like when you count “how many” on your fingers. Shooting a machinegun is like when you count “how many,” but can’t, because you already took your shoes off and you can’t remember what comes after twenteen.
3. The LAPD Sergeant and the Gunicorn
I don’t know about you, but when I’m on the lookout for a new gun, I want the latest n’ greatest everything. That’s why I was so stoked when I discovered that, somewhere in Los Angeles, innovation has spawned a new kind of gun: One with a double-barrel magazine extended clip. Ohhh, yeahh. Let’s go to the video, featuring retired police sergeant and media bobblehead Cheryl Dorsey, helpfully catalogued by our friends at GunsAmerica:
“The problem is high-powered weapons. It’s weapons that go through walls in some instances, armory that officers wear. It’s the availability of a double-barreled magazine extended clips. Why would a regular person need all of that?”
WELL I WILL TELL YOU WHY I NEED THAT, CHERYL! Because, you see, up until this very moment any firearm featuring a double-barrel was incapable of firing more than two shots without reloading. I would love to have a nice side-by-side shotgun that somehow fed from an extended magazine (from below, I’m guessing), as well as from a clip (like an M1 Garand, from above)! Such an item would look wonderful in my cabinet of curiosities, right next to the Fiji Mermaid and the Jackalope.
4. The Democratic Candidate and the AR-15 Ammo
Every so often, some comedian decides to float a joke that what we really need isn’t gun control, but ammo control. “Make the bullets cost $5k apiece,” they chortle. Thing is, up until now, even most gun-grabbers acknowledged that as a joke. Not so much with 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidate Marianne Williamson, currently polling at under 1%. Here’s what she had to say:
“When we outlaw them [ARs] there will be so many millions on the street, so we need to stop selling the ammunition. We need to stop producing the ammunition for the AR-15,” she explained.
Never mind that the AR-15 can be chambered in a variety of calibers, including pistol calibers. Never mind that each and every one of those chamberings is available on non-scary-looking rifles like the wood-stocked Ruger Mini 14. Never mind that reloading brass is a relatively simple operation most people can do with an initial investment of a couple hundred dollars. My real questions are these: How does Williamson avoid drowning in the shower? Is the breeze emerging from her right ear warmer than it was when it entered the left? If her attempt at tasting power fails, will she resort to licking an electrical socket? All I know is that I can’t stop laughing…
…oh, wait. I just remembered that there are millions of Americans who actually take this drivel seriously. Suddenly, it’s not quite so funny anymore.
Weapons of war; weapons of mass destruction, assault weapons….. question which of the below are those
A) stones
B) tree limbs
C) bones
D)farting cows
E) all of the above
Weapons have been around almost as long as man, These dumbasses need to get over it!!!
So you have 9 guns! It’s been said that if you know how many guns and fishing rods you have, you don’t have enough .
hope fully be for i die people will under stand with out a person a gun is nothing but an expensive piece
of metal. do we want to put millions of honest americans in the same boat as the criminals the crazies the insane. if guns are restricted as to type , we will only encourage people like tim mcvee ted kolzinsky the marathon bomber. people who want to kill will find a way and its usually more deadly than guns. you might
also consider this street gang’s the black market in our cities are going to supply those who want to cause harm with guns and ammunition. then you will no chance of knowing who ca kill you and stop them until after the fact.
don’t let fear and emotions and those who cry wolf to decide your fate, take a little time and find out for your self what the real facts are. evil will always find a way, and what do the honest people due to protect us and those they love throw rocks, and only till rocks become against the law
Cheryl wants to know if you were a bully in grade school to determine if you should have a gun now…
Why indeed would someone need such a magazine as Dope Dorsey describes? You never know when you might run into a unicornicopiarhinoctopus!
Hey,
I get the gist of the story.
FYI: Arsenal Arms makes double barrel .45 1911 style pistols. And if you put extended magazines on one of those babies, then the quoted person gets closer to being correct.
More importantly. Check out that pistol.
My grandfather used to call these types “sexual intellectuals”. In plain words “f’n know-it-all’s”
What do you expect from people who believe cow farts are destroying the environment?
The cow farts people are correct and accurate. The anti-gun nuts are afraid and ignorant. These are not necessarily the same people.
It’s very likely that if the world gets much warmer you will wish you had your double-barreled triple magazine auto loading AR 2715 to defend whatever little place you find that is safe for you and your family. You might want to pay a little closer attention to the predictions of the cow fart people and prepare yourself to deal with a world that is truly hot in more ways than one.
Co2 has never been a problem in the entire history of the world. It’s plant food, the more co2 the greener the planet as evidenced in the ice cores and fossil records.
Try breathing CO2, maybe you will mutate sooner.
Yes , people who are around guns believe some stupid things about them.
Magazines versus clips, etc. Having said that i know a person or two who are alleged expert on guns who were ignorant about a few things regarding silencers and M14 versus M16 that i learned while in the US Army. Don’t try to tell me they are not called silencers any more.
It may give one pleasure to make fun of the ignorance of our legislators and maybe they should become more familiar with the subject before they critique on the subject. Having said that we are all ignorant on a given subject at one or the other.
They certainly aren’t bad people like the mass murders running amuck.
Yes, i own guns, 9 at last count.
I just want you all to know that having people argue about cow farts in the comment section to an article I’ve written is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Thank you!
Add a tee hee hee Trace!
The lack of any real, practicle and applicable knowledge among the Self and Media-Annointed “Experts,” literally boggles the mind. Scarier yet, are the sheeple that actually believe the drivel they’re being spoon fed. What makes one and expert in todays society? Years past, the title of expert was given upon the completion of a series of tasks and knowledge far past the common knowledge of not just the populace, but the acknowledgement of such mastery among their peers in whatever discipline the expert practices. Now, anyone who claims extensive knowledge in a discipline, without actually working in that discipline can self proclaim their “expertness” without having to prove their level of skill and knowledge.
My Grandfather, who never had any formal education beyond the 8th grade, but still one of the wisest men I ever knew, once told me years ago “Never claim to be an expert, because doing so means you have knowledge and skills way beyond average.”
“If you do claim the title, you’d better be ready to back up your claim without hesitation and without flaws.” This has stuck with me since childhood.
So whenever I hear the word “expert” applied to every ninny with an opinion in the media, my eyes shut and my ears close, because 99.9% of the time, the so called experts are as clueless as everyone else, and way too frequently,
even more so.
Here in Cincinnati, we have had a letter-to-the-editor writer who claims that AR15 rifles are actually more deadly than machine-guns because “you don’t waste ammunition”. Ah, logic, where hast thou fled?