Smells Like Infringement: Senator Cory Booker Edition

I didn’t know Cory Booker watched WWE.

Wondering what that smell is? No, nobody’s boiling broccoli…it’s Sen. Cory Booker!

I don’t know about you, but my favorite part of the campaign election cycle is the bit where the candidates get in slap-fights to see who can be the most extreme (which happens right up until the part where they receive their nomination, and then they run for the middle as fast as they can). That’s why I chortled in my joy when I saw that Senator Cory Booker, D-Uh, (well, New Jersey…same difference) has recently grunted out a 14-point plan to “end the gun violence epidemic.” It’s truly a thing of beauty, this little Undie-Bomber Manifesto of his, from the bold title to the gentle little curl at the end. He’d like you to believe that all of this passes Constitutional muster, but I just took a deep breath and as far as I can tell…this smells like infringement. Grab your Febreze and dive in with me!

The title: “Cory’s Plan to End the Gun Violence Epidemic.”

We haven’t even gotten into the body text and I’m already cocking a snook like the Rock in the .gif up there. Let’s start with this: What gun violence epidemic? It doesn’t exist. Crime–all crime, not just crimes committed with guns–has been dropping since the mid-1990s and continues to drop year over year. What we do have is an epidemic of people who think that the people who do commit gun violence are going to stop doing so because someone passed a law telling them not to.

Should we tell him…?

Here’s the money quote from the article I linked above:

“The plan would also ban assault weapons and high-capacity magazines as well as bump stocks, and includes instituting a universal background check system to be enforced on sales at gun shows and in private and online sales, policies gun control advocates have been united in pushing for.” (Emphasis mine.)

Should we tell Cory that bump stocks are already banned? (Nah, let’s not…it’s funnier this way.) Should we ask Cory to define what an “assault weapon” is? (Let’s do; after all, good ol’ Dianne Feinstein’s “shoulder thing that goes up” is almost as old as her granny panties and we could use a new stock phrase to laugh at.) Should we ask him how banning high-cap mags in a world in which 3-D printing exists is going to help do anything other than sell 3-D printers? (We probably shouldn’t; he’ll try to ban those next.)

Here comes the ol’ “licenses to own guns” plan…

Booker would also like to institute a licensing system to own guns. The first couple of requirements don’t sound too bad off the cuff, because they’re commonly required to get a CCW permit–a background check and a gun-safety class. (Don’t get me wrong; that’s still infringement…it’s just the most palatable part of the turd sandwich to follow.) However, that’s not the end of it. That license would only be good for five years and you would have to submit to “compliance checks,” which I’m sure would be totally fairly applied and definitely wouldn’t happen far more often to poor people or people whose political party is out of favor. Uh-huh. (Forget flying cars; I’m waiting for science to finally create a sarcasm font.)

Oh, the universal background check canard! My favorite!

You may have noticed that I skimmed the “universal background check” part of the quote. That’s because it’s the best and I’m saving it for last. Requiring a NICS check for every gun sale sounds okay to some people…until they remember that the “universal” part refers to private transfers, such as inheritance. Sometimes it even refers to “transfers” such as loaning your firearm to a family member. It also ignores the fact that the NICS system is flawed. Many folks who have been adjudicated mentally ill and dangerous to themselves and others never have their names included in the system. People with names similar to those of banned purchasers have found themselves blocked on NICS checks.

But here’s the very best part of Booker’s plan, which appears on his website. I’m not linking it, because screw him, but here’s what he has to say: “More than 90 percent of American voters — and nearly 70 percent of NRA members — support universal background checks.”

No, no they don’t…and anyone who says they do is a liar. Whatever its faults, the NRA does not, never has, and never will release its database of members. There’s no way to poll NRA members other than to count on whomever you’re polling to accurately self-report. However, if it’s totally cool to make up lies and use them to sell your agenda, then I’m in! Here goes: Senator Cory Booker dropped a deuce in the urinal, and it smells like infringement!

What fibs would you like to tell about Cory? Tell us in the comments…or share it on your social media and report back!