3 Gun Club Guys You’ll Meet Eventually
Your gun club may have a dozen members, or hundreds…but they all have these three guys.
Any place people gather to enjoy a mutual hobby, of course, you’re going to see a certain recurrence of “types.” Gun clubs are no exception, and it doesn’t matter whether your gun club has a dozen members or hundreds, because each and every one of them has at least one of each of these three guys. You may not have met them yet, but you will…and that’s why I’ve designed this handy field guide so you’ll know the pros and cons of sharing a carrel wall with them.
1- The Old Fart (pictured above)
If you’re ever curious which branch of the military the Old Fart retired from, just check his ball cap. (If he isn’t wearing a ball cap, ask him what time it is. He will provide you with a notarized copy of his DD-214.) Due to said retirement, he has a lot of time and a wife who is growing short on patience. He either worships John Moses Browning or Samuel Colt; in fact, given both his age and the wealth of information he has about his firearm design of choice, he might be Browning or Colt.
PROS: The Old Fart’s range bag is apparently enchanted so it can hold several decades’ worth of any possible tool or doodad you could ever need, and he will loan it to you.
CONS: The Old Fart will tell you about why your gun is crap while you use that loaned tool. Also, he might actually fart.
2- The Chairborne Ranger
What the Chairborne Ranger lacks in experience, he more than makes up for with his wallet. He loves to buy the latest, greatest everything the second it hits dealer shelves–whether or not it fits with his current equipment, he has any use for it, or he knows what it does. He also has a lot of very strong opinions about all matters military and law enforcement, much of which he has gathered from Internet forums (and the remainder of which he has gathered from his ass). You will soon know what these opinions are, no matter how much money you spent on your hearing protection.
PROS: The Chairborne Ranger will let you test out his fancy new $5000 custom AR.
CONS: The Chairborne Ranger will soon make you long for the sweet respite of noise-induced deafness.
3- The Super Helpful
Do you need a lecture on why your foot positioning isn’t right? Are you just aching to be told that you are holding your pistol the wrong way? Are you a woman? Then the Super Helpful is here to make your dreams come true! Don’t worry, ladies, he won’t actually ask you out so you can either say “yes” or “no” and get on with your lives. Instead, he’ll hang around your carrel and keep you company while you shoot, all while offering you plenty of helpful advice about how you could be doing it so much better.
PROS: The Super Helpful doesn’t actually mean any harm, and he may have attractive friends.
CONS: You might actually have to start burping the alphabet to get him to go away.
Of course, there are plenty of other guys you’ll meet at the gun club (and some of them are even girls). But that’s a subject for another post…
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Mr. Munson sounds like “sour guy” … always stays at the far in of the line and looks mad at the world. Thumb wraps his 1911 but tells the doctor at the emergency room his pit bull bit him.
Hey! I resemble that remark.
You forgot “the sniper”. Probably ex military, lean and sinewy looking, crew cut and a very “grey” look to him. Has a $10,000 rifle/glass combo and can put 5 rounds inside a nickel at 300yards. You’ll never know more because he rarely speaks….
Well that was a pretty worthless article, Wish I could get the last two minutes of my life back, I’m sure Mr. Munson thinks he is funny, but he could spend his time more wisely by writing about something worthwhile. He should also be very appreciative of the “old farts” who spent their lives in defense of this country instead of making fun of them. Without their service and sacrifices, the U.S.A. would probably not have any gun clubs, not to mention the ability to buy and carry guns.
Glad you said it, so I didn’t!
Agreed.
I believe in evolution. About 20 years ago I was #2, but am now probably transitioning form #3 to #1.
I believe you are correct but there is one more type that I see from time to time that drive me nuts. The ex cop that has no idea who you are and what you know but he definitely knows more than you about all things guns and shooting. He (and it’s always a He) always assumes you don’t know the first thing about safety and proper grip and talks loud enough you wish you had ear plugs under your muffs. They love to go on and on about what REAL training is. I take great pleasure in calling mags clips and the trigger the lever thingy around them.
This article is on the money, I don’t belong to a gun club but these three types come to my range all the time !! I mostly stay away for safeties sake !!!!
Greetings Bro (Trace),
This is Don, ex-SF, MAV-SOG, Vietnam Veteran. I have been laughing my butt off. You nailed it well with the 3-Gun Club Guys You’ll Meet Eventually. Good job! Yeah, they are there and a few other types as well.
What bothers me the most are those who tell you they served in the military, but, did not. Also, having been ex-law enforcement, every cop or ex-cop will tell you all about firearms/ammunition/ballistics/etc. The truth is, most of them cannot “hit the broadside of a barn.” Then, there are the security-types, who also know everything but, wish that they were police officers. It definitely is amateur hour at times.
Be well!
What about the “Range rules don’t apply to me” guy?
You forgot Mr. Tactical, in his camos, with his load out vest and drop-leg pistol holster.
He has brought along his SBR with it’s muzzle break and a years worth of ammunition.
All of which he intends to shoot while standing next to you.
Gotta love the “Chairborne Ranger” handle! Lol
I have met 2 of these guys. The Old Fart and the Super Helpful. The Old fart in my case was just old and miserable. He thought that should a courtesy rule not a Safety Violation be broken the offender should be stripped of his weapons and shot at sun rise. However if he was the doer than it was to be excused because he had been coming to the range since John Moses signed him up. The Super Helpful has become my best bud, not by choice. He was at the counter when I asked one of guys behind the counter for his opinion on a new type of ammunition and Mr. Super Helpful happened to be standing there. He had ballistic information committed to memory, penetration statistics you name it and he could answer anything and everything. When I asked if he had tried it yet he responded NO but I’ve read all about it. Now any time I go to the range I have to hide if he’s there because now he’s got info on the latest and greatest that he absolutely must share with me. Oh Well…..
OMG I am Super Helpful. Sorry all, it is a curse!