3 Gun Club Guys You’ll Meet Eventually

Do you like Browning? I don’t know; I’ve never Browned.

Your gun club may have a dozen members, or hundreds…but they all have these three guys.

Any place people gather to enjoy a mutual hobby, of course, you’re going to see a certain recurrence of “types.” Gun clubs are no exception, and it doesn’t matter whether your gun club has a dozen members or hundreds, because each and every one of them has at least one of each of these three guys. You may not have met them yet, but you will…and that’s why I’ve designed this handy field guide so you’ll know the pros and cons of sharing a carrel wall with them.

1- The Old Fart (pictured above)

If you’re ever curious which branch of the military the Old Fart retired from, just check his ball cap. (If he isn’t wearing a ball cap, ask him what time it is. He will provide you with a notarized copy of his DD-214.) Due to said retirement, he has a lot of time and a wife who is growing short on patience. He either worships John Moses Browning or Samuel Colt; in fact, given both his age and the wealth of information he has about his firearm design of choice, he might be Browning or Colt.

PROS: The Old Fart’s range bag is apparently enchanted so it can hold several decades’ worth of any possible tool or doodad you could ever need, and he will loan it to you.

CONS:  The Old Fart will tell you about why your gun is crap while you use that loaned tool. Also, he might actually fart.

His other hobbies include XBOX Live, artisanal vape juices, and definitely NOT being Trace Munson, because I do not resemble this archetype in any way. No sir.

2- The Chairborne Ranger

What the Chairborne Ranger lacks in experience, he more than makes up for with his wallet. He loves to buy the latest, greatest everything the second it hits dealer shelves–whether or not it fits with his current equipment, he has any use for it, or he knows what it does. He also has a lot of very strong opinions about all matters military and law enforcement, much of which he has gathered from Internet forums (and the remainder of which he has gathered from his ass). You will soon know what these opinions are, no matter how much money you spent on your hearing protection.

PROS: The Chairborne Ranger will let you test out his fancy new $5000 custom AR.

CONS: The Chairborne Ranger will soon make you long for the sweet respite of noise-induced deafness.

Protip: Don’t leave your range bag behind, or he will travel cross-country to return it.

3- The Super Helpful

Do you need a lecture on why your foot positioning isn’t right? Are you just aching to be told that you are holding your pistol the wrong way? Are you a woman? Then the Super Helpful is here to make your dreams come true! Don’t worry, ladies, he won’t actually ask you out so you can either say “yes” or “no” and get on with your lives. Instead, he’ll hang around your carrel and keep you company while you shoot, all while offering you plenty of helpful advice about how you could be doing it so much better.

PROS: The Super Helpful doesn’t actually mean any harm, and he may have attractive friends.

CONS: You might actually have to start burping the alphabet to get him to go away.

Of course, there are plenty of other guys you’ll meet at the gun club (and some of them are even girls). But that’s a subject for another post…