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Our gun-grabbing guest columnist, Ima Nidiot, is in a tizzy over Board With A Nail In It control. Here’s why.
For years, you pro Second Amendment people have been mocking me and my gun-grabbing goodbuddies by saying that pretty much any object can be made into a weapon if you’re feeling creative, and that maybe I ought to start a campaign to outlaw boards with nails in them. Well, you all laughed at me and I hope you enjoyed it because there’s news coming from the Indo-Chinese border that proves me right: Galwan Valley: Image appears to show nail-studded rods used in India-China brawl. Who’s laughing now? Me, Ima Nidiot, and as you can clearly see, the time has come for some sensible Board With A Nail In It (BWANII) control!
Once upon a time, I was willing to let people have a BWANII or two around the house so they could use them to go rabbit hunting. But why would you bother with that when you can just go to the store and buy meat without hurting any animals? Also, it’s obvious that today’s BWANIIs are not the same as your grandpa’s cherished old walnut-stocked BWANII. No, these are a whole new breed of ultra-lethal BWANIIs, and we must ban them immediately.
If you look at that photograph above, you can see it’s a military-grade ultra-lethal double-barrel extended 100-round nail assault board. It’s the sort of board that only the police should have, not untrained civilians. (Also, we should get rid of the police.) Obviously, that’s chambered in a completely inhumane 2X4.HomeDepot Mag., which is illegal according to either the Geneva Accords or to the dream I had last night after eating too much tofurkey.
Now, are you ready to get really triggered, terrified, and a little soggy in the seat? Any terrorist can own an assault BWANII–no questions asked, no fingerprints taken, no license. What’s more, right now, BWANII nuts everywhere are stockpiling boards with nails in them. Some insane people have not just hundreds, but literally thousands of them hidden right there just behind the drywall in their homes–and many of those homes have children in them!
Would you like to know the worst part? Right now, as I write, there is virtually no government control over who has BWANIIs, where those BWANIIs are, and how many are out there…and we just cannot have that, because any time I don’t have the government telling me what I can and cannot do I start getting anxious and need to spend about an hour with my life-size Beto O’Rourke cardboard cutout.
Why, there aren’t even any regulations in place about who can sell these lethal murder machines. Right now, you can buy as many BWANIIs as you want at any kitchen-table “hardwoods dealer” without a background check or registering your assault BWANII. In fact there’s a giant leaking loophole in the laws that means that a BWANII nut could just buy the components of a weapon of war and then assemble it at home with no licensing required.
You paranoid, bitterly clinging gun nuts can try to tell me that it’s not the weapon but the user who wields it that makes the difference between good and evil, but guess what? La la la, I can’t hear you, because I’m stuffed ear to ear full of boards with nails in them! (And tapioca pudding.) Who’s with me on the next great crusade to get a little Common-Sense BWANII Control into our legislature? Tell me in the comments what other terrible weapons of war might be lying around in every American’s home, so we can ban those too!
Ima is a gun-grabbing guest contributor to GGD, and a friend of our regular columnist Trace Munson. She occasionally gives us insight from the political left, in an effort to help bring us all together (and maybe have a laugh or two).
Stu Pid-phuck ( A.G. Newton) says
I have the answer to make it extremely hard to use ANY assault weapon out there; CUT OFF EVERYBODY’S FINGERS, and in the case of really determined psychos, their HANDS! This would make pulling triggers, holding knives or hammers (to hammer nails in the assault BWANII’s), or use a sling like someone above suggested. If the hard-core types start training with their feet, same answer! There go the toes and/or feet! It would also cut down on the nose-pickers in the car next to you, who think no one can see them. Yes, it might make doing SOME jobs difficult, but isn’t our safety worth it? Think of the children!
goyaathle says
Bar of soap in a sock works pretty good in prison.
randy bauer says
Rather than ban all those useful items, why don’t we simply get rid of the people who want to ban them? It would make life MUCH easier.
Paul says
how about a facemask and a rock (think they were called slings in the day) you could pick up ammo anywhere heh-heh
dennis says
ILL GIVE YOU ONE ( IMA NIDIOT ) can you do something about you ?
poggy says
What next, bathtubs, step ladders, baseball bats, automobiles, rope?
What?
What next on the road to a liberals utopia?
Damn fools!
Chuy Guerra says
ban forks makes people obese and kills them with heart attacks. that makes it an attack weapon.
poggy says
Years ago when I was in grade school I was stabbed with a pencil, an assaults pencil, put assault pencils on the list!
SGT Preston says
Ima points out a good cause. Why not ban anything that might bring harm to someone else. Start with cigarettes, booze, cars, motorcycles, trucks, etc. The list is endless. Sounds as if there’s enough items to ban that might take a couple of centuries to ram through a Libtard Congress.
Bruce says
BAN LETHAL BUTTER KNIVES!!!!
anonymous4goodreason says
Screws require NFA and pay tax.
Have a Few Loose Myself says
That is Right Ban Screws!!! There are too many people with so many screws loose that they are Very DANGEROUS!!! They Loose they heads or loose their minds!! We can’t have that Now can we!
G. Martin says
Let’s just call them what they really are…”Assault Boards”! I mean, nobody really needs a board capable of holding one hundred nails in it! Besides, the 2nd Amendment clearly reserves these “dangerous weapons of war” for the militia/military/National Guard! Common sense “Board Safety Laws” should limit the board to 6 inches with only a ten nail capacity! Oh, and a government issued permission slip would be required to purchase and possess one, too! Unless you are an Antifa or other Leftist thug ransacking a Democrat controlled city.
Phopcus says
I believe you have covered the entire gambit of stupid PC remarks and general low IQ thought process that has covered the world Please take your pill and go sit in the corner like a good boy
Larry says
I saw a guy on video chasing some poor kids with a chainsaw
THA says
What about skateboards. Notice in almost all the riot pictures the peaceful protesters have skateboards and bust out windows and hit people with them. But they again, they can always claim we are violating their right of transportation if we prohibit them
Paul says
How about a tube sock with a couple hundred pennies in it.
DNFU says
Well you never have to fear them banning bike locks, Antifa’s favorite stealth attack skull splitter, so I think your chains and locks are safe as well. After all how else are these cowards going to attack you from behind while you are facing a mob of of a 100+ of these masked hooligans, alone and disarmed by Leftist decree.
I am just waiting for Ima’s twin Yura to voice in thinking this is a real story, lol.
Barry Thomas Sr. says
I don’t have Nails can I use long Screws? or does that move me into a different class?
Wyatt Earp says
But a baseball bat ( wood) easy to swing! Put lot of nail in it. Will do the job better than a board! Only a dumb person can’t swing a bat!
RJ says
I think we should also ban baseball bats. How many times have they been used in a crime. Besides, since there is no baseball season, there is no logical use for those terror sticks.
n r ringlee says
Progressive logic. Do not trust 95% of the population with any form of liberty and rob them of the means to exercise free will and self defense. Accomplish that and you have the perfect society. For the 5%. Progressive logic.
John Goult says
Running out right now to the Hardware Store to pick up some Boards and some Nails. GONA make me some “People Stoppers”!🤣🤣🤣☠️☠️☠️
Vince says
what about a piece of chain… you could swing… or a hammer that people bang those nails in boards..