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Springfield Armory Bites Back at Dick’s



This anti-gun thing was too much to swallow

Shooters and hunters who expected Dick’s to stand up to the pressure of anti-gun activists in the wake of the Parkland Douglas massacre got a nasty shock recently. It seems that the retailer wasn’t content to destroy their inventory of AR-15s—instead, Dick’s has been sneakily looking for a back door to gun control by hiring three anti-gun lobbyists. In a move designed to get pro-Second Amendment advocates turgid with rage, Dick’s is essentially biting the hand that feeds them. Now, firearms manufacturer Springfield Armory is biting Dick’s back.


Although Springfield may have taken forever to come to the AR-15 market, they were the first to pull out when they heard of the Dick’s move. SA has completely severed their relationship with Dick’s, leaving the retailer’s stock looking more flaccid by the hour.


“Dick’s just slapped the face of the Bill of Rights,” commented SA’s Chode Pudlington. “What Dick’s doesn’t seem to get is that they’re just not big enough to make a difference, no matter how many ‘professionals’ tell them how huge they are.”


Dick’s cheesy move smells suspicious to gun owners, too. “I don’t know why Dick’s keeps trying to stick their opinion where it doesn’t belong,” ejaculated John Thomas, a well-known local firearms instructor. “I’m not going to swallow this anymore,” continued Thomas. “I’m spitting mad.”


“I don’t know why anybody’s surprised,” added Thomas’ wife, Lorena. “Dick’s been disappointing me for a long time.”


Will SA’s withdrawal make Dick’s stock flaccid? Only time will tell.



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