Introducing your wife or girlfriend to guns? Here’s how to do it wrong.
Women are currently the fastest-growing demographic of new shooters, but it seems every time I go to the range I see some dude doing his level best to reverse that trend with his female companion. So if your goal is to ensure that your wife, girlfriend (or both) walk away from their first shooting experience even more disappointed than they were the first time you dropped trou, here’s how to make that happen.
1) Make It Hurt
One key element to making sure that she has a horrible time is to choose a gun for her to shoot that’ll bring tears to her eyes. Might I recommend something in an airweight revolver, ideally loaded with +P ammunition? What you’re going for here is the maximum amount of power recoiling back through something that weighs under a pound, with no kick-softening semi-auto action to pull the punch.
Perhaps you’re more interested in turning your sweetie off of long guns forever, instead. In that case, try a pistol-gripped 12-gauge shotgun…and go ahead and let her shoulder it and put her cheek on what there is of the stock. What does she need her front teeth for, anyway, amirite fellas?
2) Cum On, Feel the Noize
She’s always saying you don’t listen, so show her what’s what by making sure she won’t be able to hear anything you say for a while. Start by going to an indoor range on a Saturday afternoon when it’s busiest. Then, make sure she uses foam ear plugs with no additional hearing protection. For extra credit, go with a long gun (preferably a rifle chambered in something tasty like .308 Win. Mag) so she can get the benefit of all those nice decibels through bone conduction as well as through the air. It might be the last time she ever conducts a bone (with you, anyway), but she’ll never nag you to come along to the range again!
3) Milk It For Social Media Attention
As long as you’re busy making sure that your significant other is having a horrible time, why not monetize her discomfort by filming her and posting it to YouTube? Yes, you can join the ranks of hilarious video pranksters by getting some sweet footage of her flinching or, better yet, being visibly in pain from the hardest-recoiling gun you could find. Make sure you shout “IT’S JUST A PRANK, BRO!” and wait for those sweet, sweet pennies to come tinkling into your piggy bank. You can use them towards a new apartment after she boots you to the curb!
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