Pittsburgh Mayor Strokes Dick’s; Sales Still Limp
As long-time GGD readers no doubt remember, last year Dick’s head Ed Stack spewed some goo about how Dick’s target market didn’t need to buy legal guns in a legal way anymore. Some commentators cheered—more about the Dick’s boosters soon—but others pointed out that this Dick’s move might be seen as biting the hand that fed them. Almost immediately, Dick’s once-firm sales began to droop as first one prominent gun manufacturer, then another, bit back. It’s been pretty clear that Dick’s $150 million loss in sales has left shareholder reports embarrassingly flaccid.
That’s why, now, all the anti-gun Dick’s lovers are squirming out of the highway rest-stops to make Dick’s stand taller. Last week, Pittsburgh Mayor William Peduto did his best to firm up Dick’s standing with a vigorous stroking session.
Dick’s head Ed Stack is always looking for unusual new spots to insert himself, so it’s no surprise that he popped up at the Yale Mayors College & CEO Summit a few days ago. With a session theme entitled “Trumpeting the Issues without Becoming the Issue: Selective Use of CEO Voice,” the Summit’s goals were as glaring as an unzipped fly: teaching government officials and CEOs to use their businesses and constituencies to signal boost politically correct legislation and policy. It’s important to note that “trumpeting the issues”—which is known as “virtue signaling” when it’s at home with its feet up—can definitely damage the businesses and constituencies in question. So, obviously, the Summit is also a great opportunity to stroke the folks who’ve hurt their businesses or re-election odds. And hoo boy, did Dick’s head Stack get stroked firmly and vigorously by Mayor Peduto.
Peduto, whom you no doubt recall is the mayor who, in the words of the linked article, “has breached his duty to the public by advocating for local anti-gun measures that are illegal under Pennsylvania law.” So obviously he was the perfect choice to bestow Dick’s head Stack with a “Maverick in Leadership Award.” (On an unrelated note, it has occurred to me that “Maverick in Leadership” would make a great brand-name for a line of extra-small condoms.) After all, nothing says “Maverick” more than trying to break your state’s gun laws just to make Dianne Feinstein do that thing that looks like a smile but isn’t.
So when Podesta presented the Maverick Award, he made sure to give the Dick’s head lots of stroking. He started softly and tenderly, saying, “It’s my honor to present Ed Stack with this award, and to celebrate the integrity and courage he has shown.” Warming to his task, he took a firm grip on the subject, elaborating that the Dick’s head had taken on in “what we in Pittsburgh know to be one of the most important fights of our time—protecting our neighborhoods, schools, places of worship and all public places from the gun violence epidemic.”
It’s pretty clear that these two “Mavericks” are cut from the same gas-station checkout display. Peduto has shown that he’s behind Dick’s all the way. About 4 inches behind, in point of fact…
What’s your call, readers? Should “Mavericks in Leadership” be a line of peewee condoms, a cover band that plays the Office Space soundtrack at corporate retreats, or the title of a man-on-man skinflick based on Top Gun? Tell us in the comments!
Of course it’s in bad taste! So? Please, don’t let it leave a bad taste in your mouth!
Bahahahaha! What a stroking to only not get a happy ending!
( And hoo boy, did Dick’s head Stack get stroked firmly and vigorously by Mayor Peduto.)
MR Mayor peduto we here in TEXAS would Love for you to come by and STROKE our DICKS while we buy our guns from academy sports and Walmart thanks for the stroking in advance
LOVE always :
TEXAS
Apparently anyone who was offended has never read a Trace Munson article before. Thing about the article 1. it’s true 2.it’s more protected by the 1st amendment than all of our 2nd amendment rights. So to all the complainers 1 never read a Trace Munson article again if your that weak and easily offended . Please surrender your man card to Nancy Pelosi immediately . 2 Shut the F@@k up and got jump off something very tall so you stop polluting the gene pool.
Folks lets look at the facts first.
The head dick was at YALE, a place where we from New England know all the dicks are massaged and made firm by thier own ego’s and action’s.
It is very clear to see that if the Top dick at dicks sporting goods gave a speech or received any award from YALE, its because his partener invited him there to mingle with all the other single minded dick’s so they could stroke themselves.
Why buy anything at Dick’s Sporting Goods when its cheaper online or a Walmart !
Soooo attacking the second amendment is’t enough you want to go after the 1st too?
Would that make feinstein a Maverick In Leadership Favorite. Of course we can shorten that to MILF
Feinstein the MILF. I just urpsed in my mouth a little.
Jeese dude, I was just going to have something to eat…..
Peduto is a “Dickhead!”
I think gun owners should buy stock in Dick’s. That way, we can vote, cause heartburn and have fun. A $150 Million drop in sales is less than 5% of their overall value. But, if we own stock, we have a say and can even affect their stock price when we all sell our stock after they make an anti-gun decision.
As far as the imagery of the writing style, clever but after awhile, too predictable. Length isn’t everything.
You are indeed a cunning linguist
Article was great, I loved it! And for the libs and and complainers… this is where and why I hate you. You can easily tell this article was going to maintain its mature humor.. instead of saying.. to YOURSELF hey I find this a little offensive… STOP READING IT! Don’t continue to read it and bash the author who wrote it and everyone else who likes it. People like you is why this country is going to shit… the world doesn’t go around to please you or your views.. you don’t like something great, don’t bash others for liking something you don’t.. going after someone who is different or has different views.. isn’t that bullying? Which apparently is another epidemic all together.. but The same people who negatively posted against this.. would say they’re not bullies.. which again.. is why I hate you.
What happened to Parents teaching their children “Respect & Proper Handling”
I love my GUNs ! Had them over 50 years & never shot anyone I didn’t mean to!
Roger US Army Ret.
I welcome the chance to read something informative yet makes me grin a bit! As far as Dick’s is concerned, If they blow out the ammo for 10 cents or less I will shop them. Just don’t stand in front of me cause I will be like a liberal trying to buy his kid an airsoft AK-47 for his 10th birthday heh-heh.
Edit: Obviously, democrats are all a bunch of Dick’s … fans.
Very well stated! Applause
Obviously, democrats are all a bunch of Sick’s … fans.
I have never ceased to be amazed at how left-wing politicians seem to believe that once they are elected to a political position, no matter how high or low it mat be, they suddenly have been granted authority both to rewrite the United States Constitution and to determine which rights, among those guaranteed by the Constitution, the public is entitled to retain and exercise. Perhaps they all need to go back and take a Civics class…
They don’t teach “Civics” anymore. They teach “Social Justice” instead.
Exactly. That is why these people know noting about how our nation works – or should I say, is supposed to work.
So, bottom line of the story is one Dick giving another Dick an award for being Dick of the Year, Meanwhile, the Dicks that own stock in Dicks, are seeing a significant drop in their Dick’s income because of actions, rhetoric and corporate policy change instituted by the Dick’s CEO’s being such a Dick. Would the biggest Dick please rise (or become erect), and recieve the prsise and accoladrd reserved only for Dick’s head Dick.
Moral of this story, “Don’t be a Dick like Dick’s.”
Mellow out the article used humor to make a point.
Far left will despite public opinion rallies around those who follow the party line.
Far worse things have been said about POTUS and his administration with no humor intended.
This is extremely tame by comparison.
The name of the company lends itself to this type of humorous article.
For those of you who are concerned about the moral high ground have your heads in the sand when Dick’s first started down this path. The jokes where flying around back then to.
Sorry no penalty points for bad or any other humor.
I was highly amused by the clever wordplay used in this piece!
Well written and humorous! Kudos to the author!
sounds to me like the article was meant to showcase a couple of pantie wastes that stroke each other to gain the upper hand….a CEO that thinks he has the pulse of his buyers so he drops anything and everything weapon related and a mayor that drops anything and everything weapon related strictly for votes. deryk…you need to lighten up and READ what the author is trying to convey instead of going off half-cocked…..or do you fit in with the CEO and mayor?
When they were presenting DICKs head his award, I wondering if they were playing Billy Squire’s song ‘The Stroke’?!…”Stroke Me Stroke Me…STROKE STROKE STROKE”!!!
It was funny.
Say what you will, but the bottom line is that these PC Morons deserve everything they get. Nothing like urging a fellow heroine user to go ahead and shoot up, you may survive, unless one of your shareholders spiked your stash for being an idiot.
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear a SpecOps Warrior wrote this.
What? You mean Trace is one? Holy cow!
C’mon folks. This is a bit “outside the box,” but it’s not obscene or profane. Trace used one of the character traits we want in our SpecOps folks – an amazing ability to think outside the box, color outside the lines, whatever you want to call it. It’s that ability that helps make them special. I’ve been privileged to work with many SpecOps warriors in the 45 years I’ve served in active, reserve, and auxiliary roles., and almost every one of them has the same ability.
Besides, any company that names itself “Dick’s” pretty well opens itself up to this.
Oh, I’m not Special Forces. I’m Special Farces, which is like SpecOps only with more whoopie cushions and absolutely no heroism at all.
oh so SpecOOps 😀
While the article was good, I think it was written in bad taste.
Yes it was in bad taste but mostly it really didn’t have any reason to be written. Two losers as we’ll see when Pittsburgh voters get rid of this jerk and Dicks keeps losing money.
Well it sounds as though one of those liberal foul mouths found their way to your keyboard,we should always try to be better than them when expressing our opinions publicly,libs will say anything to get attention for the shock factor alone,let’s keep it above the line and we as responsible gun owners are the better of the two crowds,we will give the writer a mulligan on this one,but always keep in mind that our fight is in line with the law and constitution,we are all better than this kind of commentary
While I agree with the content of the article, it was in really bad tastes. Sounds mire like a 13 yr old writing this article.
Penis.
Story was clever.Not professional,but i believe the writer should be suspended with the editor and final cut, for four weeks, two without pay.
deryk, you can go suck an Ed Stack. It was funny.
says another politcally correct snowflake. Free press all. Hope you were not overally offended.
Deryk, do you need a safe space and coloring book you sensitive sissy.
Sorry guys, is this article cute? Yes. Funny? Sure. Appropriately written for what one would consider a serious media outlet, absolutely not. I agree that this author should be suspended for the inappropriate innuendo espoused herein. This article has tarnished the reputation of those who would endorse its juvenile execution by publishing it. Those who would point out that it is an exercise of the first amendment should really go back to school and learn what the first amendment means. Hint: it does not mean you can say anything you want about anyone you want without consequences. While I agree, in general, with the message conveyed, it is no less ignorant than the tactics used by lame stream media to sow their idiocy to their target audience. We are supposed to be the more enlightened on this particular topic and stooping to this level of conduct only serves to compromise our standing. And no, my feelings are not hurt, I don’t need a safe place from this authors poor selection of words. I simply find it to be a juvenile display reminiscent of a monkey s%%t fight at the zoo.
But I love monkey s%%t fights!