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Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. These people just won the Stupid Jackpot.
One of the best things about the Internet in 2019 is that it’s united our world into one great big global village…which means that we no longer have to rely on our own Village Idiot to entertain us when there are millions of others out there just a few keystrokes away. Better yet, many of said Village Idiots seem to be more than happy to provide us with object lessons for what can happen when a user either loses (or never had) any respect for firearms safety. And best of all, we can point and laugh at them from the safety of our own homes. That’s why, today, I’ve curated a nice list of five people who just found out the hard way that guns aren’t toys…complete with animated gifs! Don’t worry, no Darwin Awards are on display–although if you can get through all of these without at least cringing and groaning, you’re a better man than I am.
1. If only there were a safe direction he could point that muzzle in…
(You’ll want to click on that image to get it to play.) What’s wonderful about this little clip is that it appears to be an instructor/student scenario, although it could certainly just be a couple of buddies who decided to stop by the range after a light lunch of Cocaine Salad drizzled in PCP. There’s no audio, so I’ve decided to write my own dialog for this clip:
BLACK EARMUFFS: Dude, I read that if you have something in front of the muzzle the gun won’t fire.
WHITE EARMUFFS: Nuh-uh.
BLACK EARMUFFS: Yeah, it was on the back of that can of spraypaint we were huffing in the parking lot. Try it! And use your hand, so I know you’re not a pansy.
WHITE EARMUFFS: Hokay…
2. You’re not supposed to take that “compensation” thing literally, dude.
Once upon a time, it was common for military firearms instructors to teach new recruits not to fear the recoil of their M16 by doing a demonstration very similar to this one (although most of them used their chins). I don’t know that I’d put one up against my meat and two veg, but I can see why someone might. At least, if it were in fact a low-recoiling semi-automatic chambered in something like a .223. Not so much if it were a 12-gauge shotgun, which is what this appears to be.
I guess I may have fibbed to you up there. To qualify for a Darwin Award, one must remove oneself from the gene pool…and I suspect that this man might have trouble fathering children in the future, although he’s still very much alive.
3. But Nic Cage did it in the Ghost Rider movie!
Now that we’ve established that shotguns generally offer considerable recoil, let’s compound that by sawing a few inches off the barrel to really cut down on any of that recoil-dampening weight. Then let’s hold it one-handed and pull the trigger. What could possibly go wrong? Well…quite a lot, really. This young man is luckier than he knows.
4. Homemade muzzleloader
I should probably cut this YouTuber some slack, seeing as how he’s clearly not very familiar with guns. But…this is why people who enjoy having all of their fingers still attached generally prefer to either use factory ammunition, or to carefully adhere to SAAMI standards. Even folks who know all about shooting with primitive or modern ammunition are fully aware that the main function of a gun is first to create and then precisely channel a small explosion. And now, this guy does too.
5. Sometimes, even toys aren’t toys.
It’s true; a paintball gun isn’t really a gun and it’s meant to be fired at human beings, that being the whole point of paintball. That said, paintballs definitely do hurt, and maybe shooting yourself in the face from cigarette-smoking distance isn’t really the best idea. Just ask this guy…
Do you have a favorite “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes” moment from the media? Tell us in the comments!
Trace, a proud Special Farces who goes commando, is dedicated to pubic service. Although he’s a legend among YouTube commenters, he actually began life as a humble dingleberry farmer. Now, no subject is too moist or sensitive for his incisive odor and scintillating lymph nodes.